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"Fortunately, boy...I keep my feathers numbered for just such an emergency!"

There's only one conclusion...We all fall down.
16 December 1974
I AM proud of who I am. It feels strange almost to finally be able to say that about myself.

My mood often depends on the day, sometimes the minutes. I can be wild and spontaneous some moments, and shy, timid and modest the next. I often avoid many adventures requiring me to be "out and about." Therefore, I make it a point to have as much fun and craziness in the excursions that do get me out of the apartment. Let's just say that I really do know how to run my mouth. I'm rather efficient at work to ensure more "socializing" time with everyone. I do so much yapping and people-time during the week that I'd prefer to keep to myself on the weekends.

I have learned so much about myself these past few years. I have encountered situations - that I did not want to have to experience - only to find strength inside myself that I did not know I possessed. I now know that I will fight for what is mine. Taking care of me, my two dogs, and my cat is my primary responsibility. "That which does not kill me, ONLY makes me STRONGER!!!" So, bring it on.

I've learned to take charge of my own happiness. I refuse to depend on someone else for it and I refuse to let others ruin my good times. For that - I am proud of myself. It's taken me quite a while to get to this point. I am no longer frightened to live my life alone. Very few people are let in. This journal is probably the closest thing to who I am, but the glimpse of the vulnerable me is still lacking from these posts. That's just how it will have to be. She's not allowed to play that often.

You can't understand what peace is until you've lived it. I have found peace once again. I am so blessed.

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Quotes that have touched my life:

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." Oscar Wilde

"When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew." Shakespeare

"I will act as if I do make a difference." William James

"Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worthwhile, so when you are lonely, remember this is true: Somebody, somewhere is thinking of you." unknown

"The only real journey of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." unknown to me

"The great man is he who does not lose his child's heart." Mencius

"In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities." Janos Arnay

"If you look hard enough, you can find good in everything."

"You'll know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness." Jean Zheng

"There is no greater love, than the chemistry of two, who can feel one another's thoughts, complete one another's sentences, and cause the heart to pound, with just the sound of breath." unknown

"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." Buddha

"How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to." unknown

"Death can often be blissful as the cool red see and...if by chance our oceans meat, may your bottie be by my head and your hands on my feet." A.C.F. (a close friend)

Quotes that have made me think:

"Trouble is a part of life; if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough." Dinah Shore

"It's the heart, afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance. It's the dream, afraid of waking, that never takes a chance. It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give. And the soul, afraid of dying, that never learns to live."

"When we are in love, we often doubt that which we most believe." LaRochefou Cauld

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." Anais Nin

"The hour which gives us life begins our death." From Bathroom Wall of The Saturn Bar

"There are in nature neither rewards nor punishments - there are consequences." Robert G. Ingersol

"Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there." Otomo No Yakamochi

"A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have."

"Life is not easy for any of us." Marie Curie

"All that is out there - you just have to look at it from the right angle to see behind the curtain." from a friend, in reference to a sunset while driving on Mopac.

"A mighty oak tree is just a seed that held its ground." unknown source

"No one really changes; they just forget." unknown

"You call it madness, but I call it love" Don Byas

"Time has a wonderful way of showing us what really matters." Margaret Peters

"If my life was not how it was, then I would not be who I am."

"You'll know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of his/her happiness." Jean Zhang

"Searching for closure takes time."

"We cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are." Max De Pree

"We live as we dream - alone."

Quotes that made me giggle:

"Desperate men do desperate things and stupid men do stupid things. We are in for a desperately stupid summer." H.S.T.

Confucius say, "One should not combine DUMB and DEVIOUS in same glass. It should be diluted properly so that it will not be so obvious to the drinker."

"A true friend stabs you in the front." Oscar Wilde

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learned in 7 years." Mark Twain

"If god made us in his image, we have certainly returned the compliment." Voltaire

Some random quotes:

"I'm just a fucked-up girl who's looking for my own peace of mind." Kate Winslet, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"I never held you, but I feel you. You never spoke, but I hear you. I never knew you, but I love you." Vera Farmiga, Orphan

"I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness. And, all the real people are really not real at all." Nelly Furtado

"I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams." Shakespeare

"Cellar Door: This famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that 'Cellar Door' is the most beautiful." Drew Barrymore, Donnie Darko

.:-|What is your true element?|-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-

Your element is Light: Innocent, beautiful, kind-hearted and pure. You are so sweet you're almost angelic! You find joy in others happiness and cannot stand to see anyone in pain. You want to make everyone around you feel good about themselves and if someone is upset you can tend to become rather upset as well which means you are sympathetic and raise others above yourself. Being as kind and good-natured as you are people have most likely hurt you in the past but you pick yourself up every time. You may look fragile but you are stronger then most tend to see. Life is beautiful no matter how you look at it and you understand that people make mistakes. Not everyone is perfect. You try to see the good in the bad which is a talent few possess. Dont ever let anyone change you. You truly have a beautiful soul inside and a heart of gold.
Take this quiz!

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Since I have lost all shame, I am now seeking donations for my bedroom furniture or for anything else you'd like to make contributions, e.g., living room furniture, food, misc. bills. Thanks to William for showing me how to set this up. If I receive any contributions, I will kindly contribute 10% to William for his help. I'm not sure that someone will take pity on me and help me get my wonderful bedroom furniture. And, if you contribute now, you'll get to see what it looks like (just imagine it in dark walnut). Please, send me money now. I would be ever so grateful.

*And I should probably mention a small warning regarding content in my journal being very sexual in nature. I've decided to make most of my journal public again - so beware if you have virgin eyes and ears.

addictions, alf in pog form, alisha klass, ambien, angry bitch music, animals, art, astroglide, audiology, beauty, beethoven, being a dork, being a whore, being appreciated, being difficult, being flaky, being good, being lazy, being loved, being vindictive, big dicks, billie holiday, boston public, broadway plays, bugs bunny, calvin kleen, cartoons, children's books, children's toys, chuckie, classroom acoustics, clitcastle, clockwork orange, comfort, compulsions, crying, cutting myself, dead or alive 3, death, deep penetration, destiny, doubt everyone, dreams, elves, evita, faeries, fate, fried bananas, friends, gary oldman, giving good head, good deeds, good friends, good times, guys in uniforms, having too many interests, homer, honesty, hot showers, integrity, isabella, jack black, jazz, john hughes, karma, keeping lucinda happy, killing me softly, liquor, listening, loneliness, lucinda, massages, masturbation, maw maw, mellow jazz, michael ian black, monkey, moonlight, my pretty, nature, nighttime, no children, nostalgia, not stealing interests, nude modeling, observations, obsessions, officer hottie, old movies, orgasms, overextending myself, penguins, petite girls, phil hartman, pick-me-ups, places with character, pleasing others, porns, procrastination, riding your mom, romantic moments, rooster, rush hour, sadness revisited, saenger, sarcasm, self-destruction, senor don gato, senor misterioso, sex, shag, sleeping, spending money, spiders, stalking, stalking nur, stuff, sunsets, sunshine and lollipops, tank girl, tattoos, teaching, the 'burbs, the angel of death, the green muse, the king who rained, the little prince, the saturn bar, the shield, the simpsons, the smiths, thinking outside the box, tom hanks, totoro, triggerhappy tv, trust, truth, tv, tv and more tv, unusual places, uterus displacement, visiting new orleans, weird science, weirdness, what about bob?, whore bitches, will ferrell, wind, yapping constantly, yo mama


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